So you and your partner have finally decided that there is no future in your relationship.

Sad as that might be – you both have had to face the facts and they are that the love you once had for each other no longer exists.

It might be that you have just drifted apart or that you each now seek different goals or perhaps it might be that the differences which you could in the past paper over are now just too much to deal with.

So, irrespective of who made the call to end your relationship the pure and simple fact is that it’s over.

You now need to focus on the next phase of your life, as does your partner. Where to from here and with what financial and other resources do you undertake your new journey? These will be the burning questions for you.

Not many relationships end without hurt or damage to our egos. That’s just part and parcel of the whole process but you need to move on and come off the emotional treadmill in the best financial and emotional condition that you can.

At The Family Law Centre – Fraser Coast we’re all about offering you a pathway to your future with dignity, a pathway which does not destroy your soul and your financial well-being but rather one which will provide the best overall outcomes for both you and your partner.

The approach is called ‘collaborative law’.

So what is collaborative law and how does it work?

The first and most important aspect of collaborative law is that Tarzan leaves any ideas of swinging through the jungle or being ‘hairy chested’, at the front door. There is no place for aggressive and undignified posturing in this process. Notions of separate hurt and egos being bruised are not welcome in the collaborative law process. Couples working together with their lawyers, lawyers intent on finding common ground between the parties and a dignified outcome for them, is what underpins the whole process.

If you can’t leave all negative thoughts and considerations at the door then the collaborative process is not for you.

So what are the practical steps you need to take?

Firstly, there is a very simple proposition facing you. Do you want to pay gazillions of dollars to your lawyer or do you want to minimise your legal bill and get on with the next phase of your life.

Paying legal bills is sometimes necessary but as lawyers we know that so often people spend money when they don’t need to, when stepping back and taking deep breaths can really save time and money.

If you are looking for a sensible and dignified outcome for your problems, then the ball’s in your court. You have to enter the process with a clear understanding that the goal is to achieve an outcome which works for both you and your partner. That might well mean that you have to give ground on certain issues and no doubt your partner will need to do the same.

You and your partner need to treat each other with respect and courtesy. You’ve done this in your relationship so you certainly can do it during the collaborative process.

Entering the collaborative process in the right frame of mind is essential. You are there to get an outcome that is fair and reasonable for both you and your partner. Don’t forget your goal – but if you waver then your lawyer is there to steer you through the process.

Secondly, you need to be honest with yourself. If you can’t meet the first requirement then there is not much point in your entering the collaborative process. We understand that there are people out there who just don’t fit the process. That’s fine, that’s your call but we know from experience that that is not the smartest call you can make.

If you don’t fit or can’t fit the process then it is far better to determine that at the beginning of the process rather than part way through it.

As collaborative lawyers, we are not permitted to continue to act for you if you have undertaken the collaborative process but then opt out. We can refer you to another lawyer to look after you but, what a waste – we know because we see it all the time.

So, if you are keen on the jungle swinging thing or the hairy chested approach, you are not flexible, you are not prepared to compromise, you are determined to not reach a negotiated settlement with your partner or you are just firmly determined to just waste money on legal fees, then the collaborative approach is not for you. So make the call early and get your cheque book ready.

Always keep in mind that you might be prepared to enter the collaborative process but your partner might not. It takes two to tango so it’s either both in or both out.

Thirdly, we will meet with you and fully explain the process. We will make it clear to you what is involved in the collaborative process because we need to know that you fit the process and that you fully understand your obligations once you enter the process.

We need to know that you won’t be changing your course during the process – we need to know that you will stay the course.

When we meet, apart from gaining an insight into your attitude to the collaborative process, we want to get to know you and find out what makes you tick. The collaborative journey, like any other legal journey you might undertake, always works better if we get to know each other better and have an understanding of each other’s wants and needs.