Readers of Dave’s Story – Part 1 will recall how one misdirected letter set about a chain of events which did not work in favour of Dave’s former wife.
Dave had had enough, all he wanted was peace and quiet and plain old happiness – but in the end, not at any price.
In the end the property matters between Dave and his former wife settled on a sensible basis, but not before Dave and his former wife had spent money on legal matters. Legal costs which were most likely unnecessary and which more than likely arose because of the poor advice Dave’s former wife received.
It’s now some years on since Dave sorted out his property matters and we catch up from time to time for a chat and a drink.
Fortunately for Dave, he has re-partnered and is in a happy and loving relationship. He found the partner he needed, one who pitches in, one who acknowledges that if a joint matter or problem needs to be solved then solving it jointly achieves the best outcome.
Dave and his new partner Laura each appreciate the willingness of the other to join in, in sorting out issues which arise in their relationship or in their business. So logical, so sensible and really, just good old plain common sense, isn’t it?
Dave and I have discussed the collaborative law approach to settling matters on a number of occasions, not only family or relationship matters – but in a general manner. Dave says that if he had to do the property settlement all over again (and he doesn’t want to), then he would certainly choose the collaborative approach to sorting things out.
I’ve discussed with Dave the need for both parties to the relationship to join in the collaborative process, and how the process cannot work without both agreeing to engage in it.
Dave’s response is straightforward – he says that whatever might have been the emotional upset at the time and whatever feelings he and his former wife might have had for each other at the time of separation, Dave strongly believes that with the benefit of hindsight, to avoid the costs of arguing, the emotional cost and the benefit of just moving onto the next phases of their lives, his former wife would now embrace the collaborative resolution process.
Dave is his old self again – happy, outgoing and fun to be with and looking optimistically to the future.
Don’t get caught up in the emotion of the moment. Take a step back and try to remain above any pettiness, any anger or just the negative feelings which can arise in a partnership breakup.
Why? Because it’s best for you, it’s best for your kids and all concerned. Instead take a positive approach. Think about the new phase of your life that is about to begin. Take a short cut to Dave’s position – remain positive, be happy and above all be optimistic about the future for yourself and those who depend on you.
